In a city of millions it’s always interesting to watch the interactions between people. I’ve seen middle-aged men start throwing punches at each other because of a traffic misdemeanor and old ladies yelling blue murder at each other from across the street and I guess that when so many different cultures get mixed into one stressful melting pot on a relatively small space these mini outbursts should be expected. One thing that has really caught my eye though, is the lack of respect for their elders from the youth here. Now bear with me, because as I type this I feel like a true Afrikaans mother – preaching about respect for the elderly!
But in our culture it is expected that men hold the doors for ladies, young kids get up for those older than them and there is a general show of good old manners when you’re in the company of others. That is not always the case here, unfortunately. The most noticeable disgust is the spitting. When I was an exchange student in Germany in 1995 I was disgusted by the way people just spat on the ground (and into the snow, leaving slimy holes in the perfect whiteness) and I am sorry to report that here it happens even on the subway platforms. It’s disgusting. I’m all for getting rid of whatever is irritating your throat, chest or mouth, but for goodness’ sake, use a napkin! I fail to see why I should have to step in your chest phlegm. Yuck.
I could go on a rant about cellphone etiquette, but I’ll leave that for another time. What really prompted all these thoughts about manners is what happened on my way into work on Tuesday morning. I catch the C-line down from the end of our street and it takes me straight to work in about 20 minutes. Now I usually stick pretty much to myself – ipod in the ears or nose buried in a book and Tuesday morning was no different. Standing next to one of the poles in the train carriage I was really into ‘Out Stealing Horses’ by Per Petterson when this old lady in her mid-70′s embarked and came to stand next to my post. No one made a move to get up off their seats and offer it to her, but that’s not very unusual. As the train pulled out of the station she grabbed for the pole, missed it and gave two little steps backwards before falling flat on her back down the centre of the carriage. Everyone gasped and this poor bird was a little out of it. Her hat had gone flying and her glasses were askew. Two previously seated girls jumped up and scooted over to the lady and the next second, this big burly guy (one of those with the jeans around his knees and the super-sized embroidered jackets) bent down, grabbed a hold of the little lady, lifted her up and plonked her down on her feet! With a ‘Tsk’ he turned around and moved back into his previous standing position. The poor bird just seemed out of it as she was helped to her seat by one of the girls who had jumped up as she fell. She sat silently on her seat, slightly shivering, glasses still askew and hat pulled down low. I felt so sorry for her! Across the isle another woman was silently berating the burly guy saying, ‘It would have been nicer to help her up gently’, but he was ignoring everything around him, music blaring into his ears through his ipod.
And then I realized. In this melting pot of cultures, stressors and different view points, we all do what we think is right. For the burly guy he did what he could to help – not thinking that maybe it would have been more comfortable for the lady to be gently helped up. The seated girls immediately offered their seats (maybe a little too late, but still) and clucked around her until they (and I) had to get off. And the rest of us? We sent her our sympathetic thoughts. And maybe that is what subway manners are.
I still don’t think it’s okay to spit on the platform, though.
And boy, am I thrilled! This is the best thing that could have happened to this country, and I hope that the positive effect will radiate into the rest of the world too. There really isn’t much I can tell you about this, because CNN – with their three-dimensional TV interviews – showed you every step of the way what was happening on this side of the pond. All I can say is how exciting it is to be living in the US at this time – it’s the first time I really feel excited about living in this country with its 10-days of leave a year, its super-expensive health-care and a 20-hour flight away from my friends and family. Life in the US is good right now!